Family dinner.

On Monday my folks and I had a meeting with my therapist. I was kind of wracked, but it went so well. I'm really proud of them, and sort of puzzled-- I have been feeling like they couldn't possibly really be taking things as well as they seemed to, ever since I convinced them this is what I really needed. But it sure seems like they are. They're great. I'm so lucky for this, really.

Anyway, I just wanted to hear from them how they were doing and what I could do for them to make things easier, and it seems like I'm doing everything I can and they are doing really well. That's made me feel tons better than I did. I can stop worrying about whether they're only humoring me and secretly thinking about having me committed or something. *grin*

I should be talking to my sister more about stuff. Not that I'm not talking to her, we just don't have too much to talk about. She knew I'd be transitioning before my parents did, actually. But most of the rest of what we talk about is video games and anime, things I'm only marginally interested in-- although to be fair she could probably care less about the trans thing, so I guess we're even.

And I ought to post another voice post. See, the thing is, it hasn't really changed much. It fluctuates a lot throughout the day, but other than that it isn't really going anywhere anymore. I'm making occasional voice journal recordings on my computer now, so I don't have to make any phone calls. I might make the whole thing into a sort of radio autobiography like the folks at Make Me a Boy, but so far the quality isn't up to standards.

And photos. New facial hair pics should be coming soon.

Heh.

Today my mother, complaining about my father, made the comment "Men are filthy." Then she looked at me and added "Sorry." And it is ridiculous how much that meant to me. It made me grin like a ninny for about five minutes afterwards, and I'm smiling again thinking about it.

My voice seems to be doing this going away thing again. I talked in my habitual register most of the last few days, because of being in different surroundings, and I think I may have irritated my voice or something.

Arm hair is darker and longer today than it was three days ago, I'm sure of it.

I feel like while I was away these last few days I didn't pass at all. Maybe I was just less confident in different surroundings. Maybe I reverted to feminine mannerisms because of stress. Maybe there's just more butch dykes over there so a fem queer trans boy is less likely to pass. I don't know. Oh well, it will happen eventually.

June first: Two months

Well, time has flown.

Let's see. I haven't been posting much for various reasons, like graduation festivities and time escaping me, having a hella nasty cold these last few days, etc. So here's a pretty summary.

Voice: Hard to tell because of the cold. I really started losing my voice altogether for awhile, so I've been treating it with tender care. It's definitely breaking a lot and I need to quit trying to talk in my former register out of habit. I'll post another voice post as soon as I'm not coughing all the time anymore.

Hair: My hairline might have receded a little. It looks like it might have, but I also haven't seen any hair coming out, so I'm not sure.

Body Hair: My belly fur is really dark now, more intensely along a "happy trail" but also all over my belly. The only change in my leg hair is that it has spread even further up the outside of my legs, like hip waders. My underarm hair is also spreading.

Facial Hair: I've got something that is decisively a thin patch of scruff under my chin. It's now spreading down my throat patchily, and I've got the beginnings of a prickle under my lower lip. I can just see where my mustache will come in, and a little bit of sideburns-- too thin to let grow, but I can see where they will be.

Face: I can't really see the specific changes in my face, but I know something about my face looks different. Maybe I'm losing a little fat on my cheeks, or maybe my nose is a little wider. I dunno. Something.

Chest: My chest got smaller. It wasn't supposed to and I wasn't expecting it to, but it did. Probably a good cup size or so.

Muskles: I haven't been working out for the last week or so. Before, that would have meant I'd have dropped everything I ever built. Now I've still got a little bit of it and don't have to start at the beginning. My traps are bulgy, which means I'm holding tension there. My chest and shoulders look wider.

Fat: I don't think I've gained any, but I haven't lost any either that I can tell.

Bleeeeding: Haven't since the first month. I have cramps now and then, but not bad ones. So this marks the first month I haven't bled.

Other miscellaneous things: My neck is bigger, my arms seem to fit my shirts better (it's probably my shoulders), I'm emotionally pretty much the same, and my doohickey looks to be about two centimetres long (I haven't measured).

Looking this over, it looks like an awful lot has happened in the first two months. It's a little weird. I feel like this isn't supposed to go quite this fast, especially not with the gel as opposed to shots. Maybe I just absorb the gel really well, or maybe I have really sensitive T receptors or something. I feel weird that my doohickey is about the size I've seen other guys' at two years. It started growing really fast. I didn't believe people when they told me that was one of the first things to happen.

Pics (not of that) and voice posts to come in the next two days.