Shot today; location, bleeding, and bruising

My last shot bled a lot and I still have bruising from it ten days later; I located tonight's injection higher up towards the hip and on the right side instead of the left, and so far no problem. It's a little sore, but there was no bleeding, and hopefully no bleeding means no bruising.

There is talk online about dorsoventral gluteal injections being associated with a risk for sciatic nerve damage; from the anatomical diagrams I can only imagine that this risk is extremely minimal if the point is located correctly and the injectee is of reasonable size and weight.

I've also realized I've begun injecting 100 mg instead of 50 mg; the new needles tricked me because there's no really visible .25 cc mark. I'm a-gonna assume that's what I should be doing anyway at this point, and if I have any difficulties with my levels we'll address it then. 100 mg/10 days seems like a more average dose than 50 mg/10 days. I would think I would have noticed something if the sudden change in dose was a severe trial for my system, but physically I've felt pretty good.

I'm keeping muscle on a little better, although I'm still not "built" or anything. I try to do at least a daily set of pushups and some curls, and crunches two times a week. It's not ideal, but it's what I have time for.

On Thursday I had a kind of shitty day related to pronouns and not being able to correct people in an effective but non-offensive way. I think I got mostly rebalanced, but I need to find some consistent way of dealing with this which will be a comfortable fallback when I am upset and stressed in general.

X has been helping me a lot. I'm so thankful for his supportive listening, and his love for me. It's all so new and I still have no idea where it's going to go. But I'm really happy about it. And as I said in my other journal, the less transition-focused one, I have trouble talking about this— love is not something people talk about, my childhood told me. I'll try to write more about it as I erode that barrier.

After Holiday Special

Right, well, it's not so much after the holidays as after the year has fully started up again.

While I was at my parents house, I did a lot of pushups. For one thing, I didn't have my weight (yes, singular) with me, so that seemed the only way to build bicepular competence. For another, I got bored a lot. But I do seem to actually be putting on some muscle now. My arms still look like those of a bookish, skinny, gawpy twelve year old boy, but at least they look like those of a bookish, skinny, gawpy twelve year old boy.

I now have one sideburn, the right. My left one isn't really grown in yet. I have a superstitious hunch that it will help if I inject my T on the left side more often. (YES I know it doesn't work like that shut up.)

I have been bleeding a lot from my injection site when I inject on the left side; I suspect I'm missing the point. This last one left me with a bad bruise. I'll have to go back and check to make sure I'm locating the injection site correctly.

And I am in love with a boy who loves me back, and there's been a little difficulty about his lack of experience dating the differently-genitaled. Nothing that we can't handle, although I admit to feeling very insecure because my feelings for him are really intense. I am a secondary partner to him, and I admit also that while I am usually perfectly happy in poly relationships, I feel a bit more precarious in this situation-- like I am just not "enough"-- and this is making me a little more clingy and needy than I might be ordinarily. Knowing that, though, is half the battle.

I spent last night in his bed, after we held each other and cuddled and talked quite a bit. It's making me feel all warm and capable of dealing with anything-- even the stressful stuff at my house. All in all, things are good, and I'm being challenged to grow in all kinds of ways.