Shot last night

In the right buttock this time, and it's far easier on the left for some reason. I also had a few sips of gin last night, as it was a holiday and a friend asked.

What's been happening lately in terms of the nonphysical side of transition?

Well, I've definitely been noticing that I have more energy, physically speaking, when I've had a shot recently. There's a "right after a shot jolt" which I should remember and strive to take advantage of. In fact, I did a few curls last night right before bed, an unusual event in the last week or two. I'm really going to make an effort to work out daily.

Recently I've been occasionally getting sirred, but people usually correct themselves. I seem to have passed at the shoe store a few weeks ago. At least, when the sales guy asked about my voice and I told him it was changing, the incredulous question he asked was "How old are you?" and not "What gender are you?" He commiserated about looking too young for our ages. Nice guy, odd sales technique.

Last night something a bit weird happened. I was sitting at the table with a bunch of folks, and X was talking to someone else about how he finds androgynous women attractive. This conversation went on for a fairly long period of time, and then they talked about something else, and then X came over and gave me a hug. (I think he thought I was depressed, because I was slightly buzzed and being sympathetic for someone who actually was.) Later, after, you know, shit hit the fan and X did most of the work cleaning up, I thanked him and also thanked him for the hug and he hugged me again and said that he really liked me a lot. And I told him I really like him a lot too. Which is true. I very much want him to be attracted to me (although I don't want to mess with his relationship with P & J, clearly), but not as an androgynous woman. And now I wonder whether he understands that as well as I thought he did.

Alright. Anyone who reads this and knows my house will now have all the information they need to make my life miserable. But anyone who knows me well enough to read this and also knows my house probably already knows that I have a mad crush on X and bizarre fantasies that I could make it work somehow if only etc. And unfortunately that "if only" probably involves at least screwing up the dynamic of his existing relationships, with two people I also care about. So I'm limiting myself to flirting only when invited and not taking things very seriously.

'twas honesty that brought him to this state— how fortunate the man with none.