Ramblings

I'm feeling a bit better today, although the problem hasn't gone away. I actually did get out today, which helped. Exercise makes me feel better. I also saw the preview for Transgeneration, the docu/reality show from LOGO. It was interesting. It was involving, and I felt like the film engaged me with each of the participants as individuals, which is the bare minimum of what it should do. So I was relieved. Tomorrow I'm off to CK for the last time. Today I was moving furniture for them.

Ah, Sunday is my next shot! I almost forgot. It will be the sixth dose.

Here are some notes:
My facial hair comes in more rapidly now, although not any thicker.
My voice is in a really sucky scratchy phase right now, but I think a lot of it is just forgetting and not talking in my male register the way my voice wants to be used now. I REALLY need those voice lessons but I think I am going to just do some exercises for now.
I am not losing muscle as fast as I used to.
I have a very hairy belly and ass, and my belly is flabby in a whole new way. When I'm not freaking out about my body I can see that it looks just fine; in my worse moods my soft middle clearly means I need to not eat for a day or so. This is not cool and I really need to watch this. I just looked and it's not to the point where I have a diagnosable eating disorder. But it's obviously a tendency I need to keep a close eye on.
My feet are really hairy.
My shoulders need work. My deltoids are almost nonexistent, and this makes men's shirts not fit very well.
I need new binders as my old ones are sort of stretched out at this point.

I'm looking at my budget for the coming months. If I'm working on the boat and making around 1600 a month, I can put $800 of that to rent/food/utilities, around $200 to transportation and miscellaneous expenses, and then save $600/month. That means I might be able to afford chest surgery in a year. Would I be ready for that? I think so. I think it would help me feel a lot better about myself. I've been really twitchy about my chest lately. But if I end up working for JFKU, I would only make about 1300 a month. But also some of my school would be paid for in six months. So maybe in that case I would use some of my loan money for chest surgery. I could budget again $800 for rent/utilities/food, $200 for transportation and miscellaneous expenses, and save $300 a month. So then in a year I would have half of my surgery saved up and maybe I would feel okay using loans to pay for the other half. I am not sure about that; I would have to see.

I have to go to Tom Waddell and see if I really get my hormones free/cheap. That will help a lot.