Another Bloody Damn

I increased the frequency of my shots slightly— I had one the day of my arrival (August 22nd), one on September first, and my fifth dose is on the tenth. But yesterday I started bleeding again, and it isn't light. I'm really upset and choosing not to talk about it with my housemates because I want them to see me as male, and so I want to preserve my privacy around things like this. But damn is it hard. I wasn't bleeding at all on the gel. I need to go to Tom Waddell next week and ask them for blood tests and to supervise my dosage increase.

On the up side, my voice continues to shift. My facial hair is growing in faster and more noticeably than ever. My muscles seem to be holding their development better. Voice post when I have a new phone to use.

Yesterday I had a hard time making myself eat, and I know today with being frustrated at the bleeding it will be just as hard if not harder. I know better than to succumb to something like this, I really do. But the other night when C said something about being chubby (it was in the context of a name game, but she's skinny as hell) and with J dealing with his own eating disorder stuff it's been really hard. I don't even know if I could be classed as having an eating disorder, but if JH does, maybe I need to own the fact that I'm at least borderline for one.

This is depressing. I passed last night briefly, but other than that I almost never pass here, and people here have a hard time with pronouns and I have a hard time correcting them without making it sound like I'm mad at them or nagging. Everything other than the gender stuff is great. Everyone has been really respectful and I feel really welcome. But I've been really dysphoric for the last two weeks and it's hard.