A talk on trans issues & prepping for the parents

About, hmm, seven people showed up. At least that made it easier for me to not freak out. I did trail off and repeat myself a lot, but people seemed to think it was good. They laughed at the right places, and asked the right questions, mostly. I wrote an idealized version which I didn't follow exactly, and I'll post that online eventually. But I just wanted to say I'm in a good mood right now. I feel a little less miserable, which is great; hopefully the cold will be totally gone tomorrow.

I have to figure out how to tell my parents about taking hormones. I'm gonna do that this weekend. Let's see. What do they need to know? Okay, I'll print out a lot of the FTM-specific technical information on hormones for dad, and I'll cut to the chase for mom.

The first thing that will probably happen is that my voice will get deeper, and then some hair will grow on my face and on my arms and chest probably too. My hairline might recede a little-- not that I'll get instantly bald, but guys' hairlines are farther back than women's typically. I might gain or lose weight, depending on how I eat and exercise and what my body fat distribution turns into.

This means that eventually, maybe four to five years from now, I will need a hysterectomy, otherwise I am at risk for cancer. Fortunately there are some very simple ways of doing this now, and I may be able to get insurance to pay for it so long as they don't figure out I'm transgender. I'm at a slight risk for liver disease, and the same risk as other guys for heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke, but since I don't drink or smoke that will help.

I know it seems like now is not the time to do this, but I really need to do this now. It has been getting harder and harder for me and I just can't put it off any longer. This is a certainty for me. If I wait on it, I'm probably gonna have some kind of breakdown at some point or just get seriously depressed and be unable to deal with the outside world at all.

I know this is going to be very stressful for you guys. (I'm practicing now. You guys means my parents.) I know it will be really hard for you and I'll do anything I can to make it easier. But I want you to know that testosterone will probably start by the end of April, although you probably won't see results until July or later. I promise to send you pictures, talk to you on the phone, and come home to visit as much as I possibly can, so that you stay updated with what's happening with me.

I do want your advice on how to deal with grandma. Because although there probably won't be any results until I'm in California, she will probably see me at holidays, and she's definitely going to notice something by this Christmas. So I'm asking you if you advise me to tell her the truth about what's going on with me, or just to not see her again once the changes start and just write her long letters from California every two weeks or so like I'm planning to do anyway.

As far as the social aspects of transition-- you don't ever have to call me anything you don't want to. You can call me by the name you gave me. You can call me your daughter, as long as you can live with a boy for a daughter. I'm proud to be your daughter. That word to me means what I am in relation to you, and I'm proud of that even if it implies something about my gender which isn't comfortable for me. I may ask you to try to use male pronouns at some point, but I know this will be hard to remember so I'm not going to make a big issue of it.

I promise to consider my health very carefully in everything I do. I consider this step to be a positive one for my health-- it's going to help me take care of my body instead of wanting to do self-destructive things because I don't like the gender I'm living in. It sets me up for a few health risks, but I'm prepared to reduce my other risk factors in order to manage that. Also, I feel like the doctor I'm seeing is very good and will make sure I'm doing this right, so I stay healthy.

I don't know if you had ever expected me to have kids. I don't want to have kids; I never did, even when I thought I was a girl. But if you want, we can discuss me banking some of my eggs or something. This is really expensive, and it's not worth it to me, but if it's worth it to you I'll do it. And I'll probably talk it over with Kim because the major reason I could see doing this is if for some reason she can't have kids of her own.

Okay, that's all I can think of. Some of the stuff I can do to make this easier for them include talking things out very thoroughly, giving them all the information I can about hormones, arranging a meeting with them with my therapist, and making sure tehy stay updated about all of my changes (or at least all the ones they need to hear about). I can't be flexible about the timing, unfortunately. I can't give them more time to adjust. I wish I could.